In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. Psalm 118:5

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Sufficient Grace

I was warming up on the treadmill this morning, when I heard what has become familiar lately...God nudging me and saying, "Today is the day. You're gonna run the mile today." Until today, I've ignored this nudge and made every excuse why "today" coudn't possibly be the day. I was out of excuses though, and desperately wanted to accomplish this goal.

Then I heard Mandisa singing, and it could only have been her to inspire me to crank up my treadmill. "Shackles" was pumping in my ears and through my blood.

I began to run. Focus. Sweat equity. Determination. Utter Obedience. Self-discipline. Effort. These got me through the first half, but only that far. I couldn't begin to imagine how I was going to get through the second half. You see, I've never run more than about 5 to 6 minutes at a time, and that's my highest time. And when I say I'm running, it's only barely more than a jog. I'm not a runner...yet.

For the last half mile I begged God to empower me, to drag my feet if He had to. Whatever it took. I had committed my actions to Him, and His word tells me if I do that, my plan will succeed (Proverbs 16:3). When it got really bad, I claimed outloud, "your grace is enough," or "I will not quit, I will not quit, I will not quit." Over. And over. And over. And then some more. I even recall repeatedly saying, "C'mon God," in anticipation of Him filling me with whatever I needed in order to drag my butt across the finish line.

I called out to Him and He answered me.

I finished that mile. While it wasn't physically or technically perfect, It was one of the most amazing moments I've ever had with God. It was a mountaintop experience if I've ever had one. God showed me with crystal-like clarity that His strength really is made perfect in my weakness (2Cor 12:9). Friends, it wasn't me that got me across the 1-mile line. God got me there and reminded me that He will get me across every finish line in every race I run, if I will only submit to Him and let Him get me there.

Friends, I have trust issues with God, and apparently always have, thanks to negative human influence. I've learned recently that one of my biggest fears in life is that God will somehow let me down. And "when" He does, where does that leave me? In the middle of nowhere, lost in a black abyss, with nothing, because I've put all my faith in Him (except what I've put in myself)...if He fails me, I have absolutely NOTHING.

Running this mile today was an exercise in trust. Even though I knew I was not physically ready to run an entire mile, I stepped out of the boat, trusting God to make my way on the water. And He did. Everytime I give God the chance to prove Himself, He exceeds my expectations and builds my trust in Him. He loves me with such a pure and complete love, a love lacking nothing, that He is willingly and patiently "proving" Himself to me through moments like these.

What a glorious, intimate truth God revealed to me this morning. Trusting Him allowed me to lay down the strength I think I have within myself, the strength that can only get me part of the way, and make room for what really lies beneath. That, sisters, is HIS power. And I would much rather call on His power than my own.

So I ask you, friends, where do you need God run beside you? Where do you need Him to fill you with His infinite power to give you a strong finish? Where does He need to carry you to the finish line? Remember, though, that before He can do any of these things, you must first let go of yourself to make room for Him and the power He brings with Him.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Cor 12:9

Monday, May 9, 2011

Healing Balm

I can freely admit I'm no expert in emergency situations. Even as a mom of three, I still stumble through anything that resembles a crisis. Do I put running water on a burn? I struggle to decide if that bleeding wound needs a band aid or a 2X2 piece of gauze with tape? And how about a "sprained" ankle, or a broken toe...wrap it? Don't wrap it? And how am I supposed to really know if something needs stitches? What's a mom to do!?






I've likewise lived this same way in my spiritual life as it relates to my struggle with food. Everything gets the wrong medicine. My need for emotional intimacy or closeness might get a peanut butter sandwich. Anxiety or stress gets an absolute overload of food slapped on it. Boredom...more food. Exhaustion...more food. Ill-behaved children...chips. Irritating husband...cookies. A friend lets me down...I might try some ice cream. This foul list could go on for forever, trust me.




My methods are the medical equivalent to using gauze for a gushing, bleeding wound. Friends, you and I both know it just will not work. It's a feeble attempt to pacify a wound that needs something so much greater. It needs concentrated effort from an expert...and in those moments I'm fighting the urge to binge or overeat, so do I.




Jesus is the one-size-fits-all balm for every wound. He is the Great Physician, the one, the only Mighty Healer. Sisters, it's time to lift up our eyes. Our help comes from Him, and only from Him.




Exercise your faith, and put down the extra helping of potato salad. Instead, seek Him, and you'll find His healing balm is a perfect fit.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Freedom through Obedience

I have blogged about this topic before, but honestly, we could hardly talk too much about obedience, given this world in which we live.

As I read my devotional this morning, I couldn't help but think about my current weight issues (beyond the battle as a whole, and more specifically, the 10lbs I've gained in less than 4 weeks...thank you very much, Mr. Abilify!) and how I believe God to be testing me heavily right now.

I'm doing everything right. I'm counting my calories and working out 7 days a week, like a professional athlete (okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but that's what it feels like!). This issue of obedience is so distinct that I can almost hear Him aking if I'll still obey Him (by eating right) even though all this hard work isn't paying off, or if I'll continue to do the hard work (physically) when I'm not getting positive physical results? How about the spiritual work? My answer is yes, yes and yes. Will I still trust Him even though this is my present reality? Again, yes, and here's why.

(from Breaking Free devotional by Beth Moore)
I know that sometimes we can be in too much bondage to even imagine living an obedient life. We want God to somehow wave a wand over us and magically remove every hindrance without requiring anything of us. But if God simply waved a wand over us and broke every yoke without our cooperation [obedience], we would soon pick up another. We cannot go forward without obedience.

I have certainly wished God would snap His all-powerful fingers and peel this entire oh-so-cumbersome mess off of me, but it is for my good and His glory that He has not done that. God is teaching me obedience, and the obedience I learn now will protect me from blindly taking on yet another yoke later!

In the sometimes-violent throes of this ugly, beautiful journey, I have had to depend completely on God, and He has blessed me with countless spritual breakthroughs and tremendous emotional healing. I am learning to trust God, to cling to Him, to remain in Him. If God waved some ridiculous wand, I would have no need to seek Him, obey Him and dig deep, and I would certainly have missed out on the precious and priceless intimacy I've experienced with my Heavenly Father.

Now, I'm not saying God doesn't ever choose to release someone immediately from the yoke they carry, because He certainly can and does. God is the ultimate Healer. But in my case, God knows me too well to give me such instantaneous freedom. In His infinite wisdom, He knew I had lessons to learn that would otherwise be lost through freedom that required no work on my part.

So, is this weight gain worth it? Is this stage of the war REALLY worth it? Most certainly, and utterly YES. It's unmistakably worth every extraordinary step of the way. I will continue to walk with God, and He will hold my hand all the way.


I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand and say to you, "Do not fear, I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. John 15: 9b-11

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Sacrifices...of another kind

Have you ever thought about the things you sacrifice? Probably so. I have a new perspective on sacrifice today that I’d like to share with you.

My day began as usual. I always wake up to exercise at 5am, but I had planned to take today off. However, I woke up at my normal time, without the alarm, only to find that my exercise clothes had not made it to the dryer. So why did God have me up so early? Then it hit me…quiet time. And that makes me smile, that God would call me from sleep just to spend some time with Him. So, I made my coffee and sat down with God. I read a devotion from Breaking Free by Beth Moore and this is what it said.…

I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. Romans 12:1

To be liberated in Christ, we’ve got some sacrifices to make. And as long as He is the one asking us for them—not our own guilt or legalistic tendencies—any sacrifice we make in our quest for freedom will be wholly consumed by God as a sweet sacrifice. He will bless it.

We fear making sacrifices. But the irony is that we also make a lot of sacrifices when we are not living in the will of God. How many things have we placed on the altar of Satan’s kingdom? Don’t we live sacrificially when we’re outside the will of God, giving up all sorts of things that were meant to be ours in Christ?


In my battle with food since September of 2010, I have never once considered sacrifice in this way. I have for nearly 9 months only considered the food I am sacrificing in terms of it being a sacrifice to me. Giving up my favorite binge foods has been in fact a difficult, uncomfortable and unpleasant sacrifice. It has often felt impossible. But, to be told that when I disobey, or make poor food choices I am instead sacrificing something even greater? Now that’s a fresh approach to the concept of sacrifice.

Keep this in mind while you read Malachi 1: 6-14, and brace yourself.

6 “A son honors his father, and a slave his master. If I am a father, where is the honor due me? If I am a master, where is the respect due me?” says the LORD Almighty. It is you priests who show contempt for my name. "But you ask, ‘How have we shown contempt for your name?’ 7 “By offering defiled food on my altar. “But you ask, ‘How have we defiled you?’ "By saying that the LORD’s table is contemptible. 8 When you offer blind animals for sacrifice, is that not wrong? When you sacrifice lame or diseased animals, is that not wrong? Try offering them to your governor! Would he be pleased with you? Would he accept you?” says the LORD Almighty. 9 “Now plead with God to be gracious to us. With such offerings from your hands, will he accept you?”—says the LORD Almighty. 10 “Oh, that one of you would shut the temple doors, so that you would not light useless fires on my altar! I am not pleased with you,” says the LORD Almighty, “and I will accept no offering from your hands. 11 My name will be great among the nations, from where the sun rises to where it sets. In every place incense and pure offerings will be brought to me, because my name will be great among the nations,” says the LORD Almighty. 12 “But you profane it by saying, ‘The Lord’s table is defiled,’ and, ‘Its food is contemptible.’ 13 And you say, ‘What a burden!’ and you sniff at it contemptuously,” says the LORD Almighty. “When you bring injured, lame or diseased animals and offer them as sacrifices, should I accept them from your hands?” says the LORD. 14 “Cursed is the cheat who has an acceptable male in his flock and vows to give it, but then sacrifices a blemished animal to the Lord. For I am a great king,” says the LORD Almighty, “and my name is to be feared among the nations.

Defiled offerings? Lame and diseased sacrifices? God showed me through the combination of these scriptures, ever so clearly, how my repeated poor choices not only cost me all that He intends for me, but have also repeatedly dishonored him.

I can see so clearly that, though desperate for freedom, my efforts have been somehow ill-equipped, even half-hearted, and that I had not previously “set my heart to honor God.” This is not to say I had not previously on my journey heard these very same words even, but today God walked with me through my quiet time, to Sunday school class and into church service. It also doesn’t mean I had not been convicted of the sin factor in my food issues. Because I am and have been for 9 months. And it doesn’t mean I didn’t fight like a tangled dog trying to break free. Because I did.

I can also see now that I have placed defiled food on His precious altar. I have offered lame sacrifices when I had better ones to give. I have dishonored God. I say with great anticipation that this stops…yesterday. Not today or tomorrow, but yesterday.

You might wonder how this revelation is suddenly going to change anything for me. Well, journey into the church service with me, where Brett taught on the story of David and Goliath. This story is more than the story of your youth; it’s a picture of God vs. evil, and EVIL DOES NOT WIN. GOD WINS. EVERYTIME. In this familiar story, David fights, armed with his slingshot, against a 9-foot tall bronze serpent opponent named Goliath. He not only wins, but he beheads Goliath and parades his head through town to show everyone just who God had empowered him to conquer.

This is an dead-on portrayal of what I want to do. I am determined to beat my Goliath and parade his bloody head through town, showing everyone exactly who God has defeated in my life.

What have I learned over the past 48 hours?

In all of this, God has reminded me not-so-subtly that I am in His loving, protective care. He is in control of this battle. He is bigger than my battle. I have a spiritual enemy who is seeking to destroy me. My God, the one true God, is always victorious.

I am declaring boldly this afternoon that I will be free. I am so close to freedom right now, I can feel it and sense the winds of change bristling around me. I already feel free. I am rebuking demons and claiming my freedom. I am arming myself, dropping my chains, setting my heart to honor God, right now, and walking into freedom.

The Armor of God
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.