Private Lessons

Have you ever had a private teacher? A tutor, maybe. Someone who challenged and tested your skills and techniques in a certain area, perhaps made you think outside the box. Maybe your "tutor" was there to reinforce basic skills. But maybe, like me, you've had a private teacher who pushed you beyond what you ever thought possible.

In sixth grade, I started learning how to play the flute. I was a natural and I excelled quickly beyond my peers, and I began private lessons almost immediately. I practiced for hours every day thanks to an earnest desire God had given me, and a seemingly natural gift that grew by leaps and bounds on a daily basis. Through the years, a number of private teachers challenged me with new skills and techniques regularly, and pushed me toward growth and development as a flutist. I later went on to college and earned my degree in Music Education.

If you've ever experienced this type of mentorship, you know well the relationship I'm describing. My private teachers were crucial to my growth as a musician and eventually as a teacher. Without them, I would never have grown beyond the little girl reading the fingering chart on my front porch, trying to determine which keys on the instrument were which keys in the diagram.

I still have a private teacher. Only He's not teaching me how to be a flutist. He's teaching me daily how to be more like Him. Much like my flute teachers did, God challenges me regularly to be better, try harder, push to the next level. And I'm so glad He does. Without His persistent encouragement, I would never grow beyond the life of that spiritual baby. Thankfully, God is always challenging my thinking, my efforts, and my methods on this journey to freedom.

In the last two days, God has revealed to me the next stage of my development, the next step I need to take in this journey to freedom; like any good teacher, He has set a goal for me. This next step is one He has decided I'm ready to take on, based on my progress thus far. He has not only prepared me and given me all the basic skills I need in order to build this new one, he has measured my skill and finds me ready. Yes, I'll admit that looking at this new sheet music is intimidating, but my God has prepared me. No good teacher gives their student new work that they're completely untrained for. Likewise, the student must sometimes take a leap, trusting the teacher's input and putting aside feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. I'm choosing today to trust the teacher.

Mile Markers

When was the last time you took an inventory of your progress on this journey to freedom? Whatever you are struggling to be free from, perhaps it's time to evaluate your level of freedom with an honest and loving lens (not the self-critical, beat-yourself-up kind that we're all too comfortable and familiar with).

God gave me fresh insight to my journey last night while I was watching a TV program called "Heavy" (I believe on TLC). This show features two individuals every week who undergo a major weight loss transformation over a six month period of time. There are no prizes, it's not a competition. Just devotion to the process (though their relationship with God is the single element that is never addressed). In an interview with one of the participants, a young girl was describing her internal dialogue regarding her level of obsession with food. I listened to this girl and practically had flashbacks of my own internal dialogue. It was like she was inside my head. She was describing how she would be eating one thing and thinking about what she would eat next, the next meal or the next snack. How she would snack between snacks. And it was in that moment that God showed me just how far I've come. This was a major "so far" moment for me, the kind Beth Moore talks about in her Daniel study.

Praise God, I am free from this dialogue! This link in my chain is gone! This is no small feat, people. It is a critical element in my lifelong struggle with food addiction, and God has set me free from it. How had I not noticed this? I believe we oftentimes get so caught up in the "process" that we forget to appreciate the small (or not so small) "mile" markers on our journey.

So go ahead, take your own inventory. What have you found some level of freedom from? What have you come "so far" from? What marker on your journey have you potentially overlooked and not celebrated? Ask God today to give you discernment and insight, and when God reveals your marker to you, praise Him with thanksgiving and adoration for carrying you to freedom.

Good Stewards, Bad Times

What are you struggling with today? What situation has God placed you in that you'd really rather do without? For me, I am dealing with sick children, sick self, sick daycare, financial restraints (due to closed daycare), and of course, my ever lingering food issues. For you, maybe your trials are different. Maybe they're similar. Regardless, God's word has much insight to offer on the subject.

1Corinthians 10:13 says "no temptation has seized you except what is COMMON to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." I did some reading about this verse and it's language, and found in my Bible notes that the Greek for "temptation" and "tempted" can also mean "testing" and "tested." Whether I am dealing with temptation or a test, a difficult or trying situation, it is nothing NEW to mankind. It's common. There is nothing I can ever go through that someone else has not endured. I love this because God is reassuring me that I am not alone. Likewise, neither are you.

No matter what your trial, test, temptation or struggle, God has ordained you to be exactly where you are today. And more importantly, how you make your way through this season will be a testimony to everyone around you, a testimony to the power of God's strength. A testimony to the very reality of God. A testimony to the non-believers. The believers. The saved and unsaved. The lukewarm Christians. The hot-and-cold Christians. Everyone you and I encounter is watching to see just how our God is going to get us through this, whether they realize it or not.

This subject of being a good steward of a bad situation is new to me. I know I'm supposed to be a good steward of God's gifts, a good steward of our money...but a good steward of a bad situation? That's new. But, it's oh so eye opening!

The part I look forward to most, the one element which makes this "hard time" worth it for me, is that one day I will be able to "comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2Corinthians 1:4) God is already using my journey through food addiction to reach out to others.

So, I ask you. What hardship has God entrusted to you? What trial is God using in your life to show others His glory? Will you choose today to be a good steward, a living and breathing testimony to His power?

The Ultimate Stronghold

I've been in a bit of a spiritual funk lately. My biggest issue is the problem I'm having in my prayer life. I hear the call, feel the nudge of the Spirit...moving me to pray or journal, and I find something else to do instead. Strange as it is, I still feel a closeness with God, though. I don't feel an absence on His part at all. Simply a lack of effort, obedience and willingness on my part.

God called me this morning, as He always does. And today, I finally went obediently to my Bible. I completed my BSF work for the day, did some work in another study I'm trying to finish...and I found a note from God, just for me. I love when He sends me notes!

As I often do, I skimmed through scripture on the surrounding pages of where my study had sent me, scanning previously marked and underlined segments, and I found Psalm 27, which begins, "The LORD is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid?" Did you catch the word "stronghold?" Woah! Someone slam on the brakes! I've always heard that word used in a negative way, like when I say food addiction is my stronghold. And here's God's word telling me He is my stronghold? I don't know about you, but I like that a lot better.

And it's no coincidence of course, that this little love note to me came in the midst of a personal struggle with rebellion against spending deep, concentrated time with the One I serve. You see, God wants us to dwell with Him, spend time with Him, get to know Him personally (yes, that is possible). God told me this morning He has missed me and that's enough to melt the heart of this little girl. His girl.

So this morning I am claiming God as my stronghold, the ultimate of all my strongholds. He is the conquerer, my shield, my sword. He outpowers, outwits and outlasts them all (my apologies for the Survivor-ish reference). He is my rock, the only foundation that doesn't give way. He won't budge. He is immovable. Unlike my other "strongholds," God is the one stronghold I never want to be delivered from.

So, yes, food is my addiction; but I joyfully declare, God is my stronghold.

Name Tags

My identity has been on my mind a bit today. I wear quite a few hats, don't you? From cook, to maid, to pharmacist, mommy, teacher, daycare provider, wife, friend, daughter, sister...to toy repair artist, account executive, homework checker, paper signer, check writer...to EMT, custodian, dry cleaner and laundry folder, dog lover, door opener, cup filler, butt wiper.... And those are the easy ones. The nice ones. The ones I would readily tell anyone, anytime, anywhere.

There are others though, more like self-assigned name tags. They're ones I'm less comfortable putting out there for the world to see, but they're equally real to me, and I probably hear their titles ringing in my ears more than the others.

Fatty.
Slob.
Failure.
Sinner.
Worthless.
Insignificant.

Ouch. It hurts my soul to even write those out in this bright screen, but I'm tired of them clanging around in my head like a set of cheap pots and pans! Now, they don't have as firm a residence in my heart as they used to. Praise the Lord, He is doing a work in me every day to remove these words from my vocabulary altogether. But they do still clash around now and then. Like when I overeat or make a bad food choice. Or when I fail my husband, my kids or a friend somehow. Or when I can't do all the things I've commited myself to, like one-too-many Bible studies at a time.

I make mistakes everyday and the enemy tries to bombard me with these labels, and tries to tear me down. He hasn't been as successful recently as he used to be because I'm learning who I really am...who I belong to and who defines me.

In Psalm 139: 13-16, David says to God, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." I'll tell you, this bit of scripture is better to me than any piece of Godiva. Period. It's straight up delicious!

My pieces did not fall together; God KNIT me together with purpose. God did not put me together, and seeing who I would become, change His mind. He instead ordained my days! How can I insult the Creator by feeling insecure and insignificant, or like a failure? That's a waste of His time, His craftsmanship, and an insult to His character, His mercy and His love.

I am nothing less than exactly who HE made me to be. Making this a truth within me, that is rooted in the depths of my being, and thus permanently retiring the ugly titles I've given myself, is how others will also be able to see God's truth in me and make it their own. Not through my deeds ('cuz I can't do enough), my perfection ('cuz I'm not perfect), or the number of Beth Moore Bible studies I've done ('cuz she works way faster than I can)...but instead by the joy that grows from knowing I belong to God. God made me. God ordained me to be right here, right now, in this very spot of my rollercoaster-life.

I'm trading in my lies for truth. Shredding the old name tag, and making a new one. Thank you, Jesus!

The Bible tells us in 2Corinthians 1:22 that God has "set His seal of ownership on us." I can picture that seal, a name tag of sorts. I hope it's not as bulky as the ones we wear at BSF (seriously, whose idea is that?)...but, i can imagine God's seal on me, identifying me to my Precious Lord. My name tag used to say some things I'm not proud of, or it did in my mind atleast. Now, though, it says "child of God." For John 1:12 tells us, "yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God."

What does your name tag say?

Making Decisions

Today is one of those days. I've been sick for nearly a week now with ear infections and I'm assuming, a sinus infection (since my face and my jaw hurt, too). I have a couple decisions I need to make today. They seem simple, but in my compromised health, they may be requiring more of me than I have to offer. So I'm seeking your input :)

I'm sick of being sick, and tired of being in bed. While I could easily spend today in the bed, where I've been for three days now, part of me can't help but wonder, is that what I really want to do? I am tempted to get a shower, throw some make-up on and my fave pair of jeans, and actually be productive, and pretend I don't feel like crud. But, that honestly sounds exhausting. I realize this decision is completely up to me, but I guess I wanted to share my dilemma. LOL


I have two other decisions to make also, these regarding my freedom from food addiction. First, today is technically a liquid day. Should I resume my fasting schedule today, despite not feeling good? This one is not as hard for me to decide, because a liquid day allows for lots of soup and, of course, liquids, so it wouldn't be unsafe even though I'm sick. I will probably make today a liquid day and resume my fasting schedule.

The next question is not so easy though. How about my "freedom days?" I've been in such a blur of half-sleep and cough syrup the last four days, my eating has been anything but normal. My tastebuds are iffy at best, I've eaten sherbet for breakfast, and I've skipped meals. I don't think I have overeaten, but I can't be sure. I can think of a couple deliberate victories, though, like when my husband offered me a second peanut butter cup and I turned it down. So do the last couple days count? I'm always hardest on myself and like most of us, I'm definitely my own worst critic, so I'm inclined to start over today at Day #1. I just want my "count" to be an accurate reflection of my freedom, both for myself, and for each of you. Perhaps I should ask my husband. He would have a good perspective because he has seen everything I've eaten, and I know he'll be honest with me. He's so good like that.


So, I'll definitely have to make the first two decisions on my own, but as for the third question, what do you think? Should today be Day #1 or Day #6. Be honest with me. How would you make the decision for yourself?

The Lion and the Plan

I have a battle plan to get me through those rough moments when temptation is screaming in my ear and my flesh is begging me to give in. The individual steps seem almost silly, or too simple to work. They do work...when I follow them. What good is a plan if you don't follow it? None at all, trust me. And following the plan is surprisingly difficult for me somedays (which is why I caved under the pressure two days ago.)

1Peter 5:8 tells us "be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." My battle plan helps keep me both self-controlled and alert. You cannot defeat the lion without a plan. This isn't just any lion. This one wants to devour you and me both. Do you know what devour means? It means to "eat up greedily or ravenously, annihilate." The devil is out to destroy us completely, not just cause an injury or take an arm. He wants us spiritually DEAD!

God's command for overcoming temptation can be found in 2Timothy 2:22, which says "flee the desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." This command gives us three critical elements to include in our plan. First, let's address the word "flee." This word is not just the word that means leave or get out. The original word means to run as if your life depends on it and not look back. Imagine a lion sitting on your couch. You wouldn't just stroll into another room! That is how we are instructed to flee temptation. Next, we are not only to flee, but also to pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace...pursue safety. And finally, who are we to make this pursuit with? "Those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." Our sisters and brothers in Christ. Those who support us spiritually. This one can be especially hard for some, because it requires that "honesty grenade" we talked about yesterday.

So what does a plan look like? I thought I'd share my plan with you today in hopes that it will help you develop your own. Of course, yours could look very different from mine, depending on your specific stronghold and temptations.

First, I had to decide to not take naps without John at home. I have a terrible urge for a binge when I wake from a nap, and this eliminates one intense desire to binge for me. Second, avoid the kitchen and/or walk away from the food when possible. I do fix snacks/meals for my daycare, so sometimes this won't be an option. I also try not to leave food on the counter. Third, I speak outloud, with determination, against the temptation: I WILL NOT BE TEMPTED. Fourth, I cry out to God. I pray that God will remove my desire for the food and increase my desire for more of Him. Next, I read scripture from my Scripture Journal, read my Bible or play praise music (or do all three if necessary). Finally, if I am still struggling with the temptation, I will call Lindsey or John. When I follow my plan, it works. When I don't...yep, you guessed it. It doesn't work.

What will you include in your plan? Is yours similar to mine? I'd love to know.