Have you ever had a private teacher? A tutor, maybe. Someone who challenged and tested your skills and techniques in a certain area, perhaps made you think outside the box. Maybe your "tutor" was there to reinforce basic skills. But maybe, like me, you've had a private teacher who pushed you beyond what you ever thought possible.
In sixth grade, I started learning how to play the flute. I was a natural and I excelled quickly beyond my peers, and I began private lessons almost immediately. I practiced for hours every day thanks to an earnest desire God had given me, and a seemingly natural gift that grew by leaps and bounds on a daily basis. Through the years, a number of private teachers challenged me with new skills and techniques regularly, and pushed me toward growth and development as a flutist. I later went on to college and earned my degree in Music Education.
If you've ever experienced this type of mentorship, you know well the relationship I'm describing. My private teachers were crucial to my growth as a musician and eventually as a teacher. Without them, I would never have grown beyond the little girl reading the fingering chart on my front porch, trying to determine which keys on the instrument were which keys in the diagram.
I still have a private teacher. Only He's not teaching me how to be a flutist. He's teaching me daily how to be more like Him. Much like my flute teachers did, God challenges me regularly to be better, try harder, push to the next level. And I'm so glad He does. Without His persistent encouragement, I would never grow beyond the life of that spiritual baby. Thankfully, God is always challenging my thinking, my efforts, and my methods on this journey to freedom.
In the last two days, God has revealed to me the next stage of my development, the next step I need to take in this journey to freedom; like any good teacher, He has set a goal for me. This next step is one He has decided I'm ready to take on, based on my progress thus far. He has not only prepared me and given me all the basic skills I need in order to build this new one, he has measured my skill and finds me ready. Yes, I'll admit that looking at this new sheet music is intimidating, but my God has prepared me. No good teacher gives their student new work that they're completely untrained for. Likewise, the student must sometimes take a leap, trusting the teacher's input and putting aside feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. I'm choosing today to trust the teacher.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Mile Markers
When was the last time you took an inventory of your progress on this journey to freedom? Whatever you are struggling to be free from, perhaps it's time to evaluate your level of freedom with an honest and loving lens (not the self-critical, beat-yourself-up kind that we're all too comfortable and familiar with).
God gave me fresh insight to my journey last night while I was watching a TV program called "Heavy" (I believe on TLC). This show features two individuals every week who undergo a major weight loss transformation over a six month period of time. There are no prizes, it's not a competition. Just devotion to the process (though their relationship with God is the single element that is never addressed). In an interview with one of the participants, a young girl was describing her internal dialogue regarding her level of obsession with food. I listened to this girl and practically had flashbacks of my own internal dialogue. It was like she was inside my head. She was describing how she would be eating one thing and thinking about what she would eat next, the next meal or the next snack. How she would snack between snacks. And it was in that moment that God showed me just how far I've come. This was a major "so far" moment for me, the kind Beth Moore talks about in her Daniel study.
Praise God, I am free from this dialogue! This link in my chain is gone! This is no small feat, people. It is a critical element in my lifelong struggle with food addiction, and God has set me free from it. How had I not noticed this? I believe we oftentimes get so caught up in the "process" that we forget to appreciate the small (or not so small) "mile" markers on our journey.
So go ahead, take your own inventory. What have you found some level of freedom from? What have you come "so far" from? What marker on your journey have you potentially overlooked and not celebrated? Ask God today to give you discernment and insight, and when God reveals your marker to you, praise Him with thanksgiving and adoration for carrying you to freedom.
God gave me fresh insight to my journey last night while I was watching a TV program called "Heavy" (I believe on TLC). This show features two individuals every week who undergo a major weight loss transformation over a six month period of time. There are no prizes, it's not a competition. Just devotion to the process (though their relationship with God is the single element that is never addressed). In an interview with one of the participants, a young girl was describing her internal dialogue regarding her level of obsession with food. I listened to this girl and practically had flashbacks of my own internal dialogue. It was like she was inside my head. She was describing how she would be eating one thing and thinking about what she would eat next, the next meal or the next snack. How she would snack between snacks. And it was in that moment that God showed me just how far I've come. This was a major "so far" moment for me, the kind Beth Moore talks about in her Daniel study.
Praise God, I am free from this dialogue! This link in my chain is gone! This is no small feat, people. It is a critical element in my lifelong struggle with food addiction, and God has set me free from it. How had I not noticed this? I believe we oftentimes get so caught up in the "process" that we forget to appreciate the small (or not so small) "mile" markers on our journey.
So go ahead, take your own inventory. What have you found some level of freedom from? What have you come "so far" from? What marker on your journey have you potentially overlooked and not celebrated? Ask God today to give you discernment and insight, and when God reveals your marker to you, praise Him with thanksgiving and adoration for carrying you to freedom.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Good Stewards, Bad Times
What are you struggling with today? What situation has God placed you in that you'd really rather do without? For me, I am dealing with sick children, sick self, sick daycare, financial restraints (due to closed daycare), and of course, my ever lingering food issues. For you, maybe your trials are different. Maybe they're similar. Regardless, God's word has much insight to offer on the subject.
1Corinthians 10:13 says "no temptation has seized you except what is COMMON to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." I did some reading about this verse and it's language, and found in my Bible notes that the Greek for "temptation" and "tempted" can also mean "testing" and "tested." Whether I am dealing with temptation or a test, a difficult or trying situation, it is nothing NEW to mankind. It's common. There is nothing I can ever go through that someone else has not endured. I love this because God is reassuring me that I am not alone. Likewise, neither are you.
No matter what your trial, test, temptation or struggle, God has ordained you to be exactly where you are today. And more importantly, how you make your way through this season will be a testimony to everyone around you, a testimony to the power of God's strength. A testimony to the very reality of God. A testimony to the non-believers. The believers. The saved and unsaved. The lukewarm Christians. The hot-and-cold Christians. Everyone you and I encounter is watching to see just how our God is going to get us through this, whether they realize it or not.
This subject of being a good steward of a bad situation is new to me. I know I'm supposed to be a good steward of God's gifts, a good steward of our money...but a good steward of a bad situation? That's new. But, it's oh so eye opening!
The part I look forward to most, the one element which makes this "hard time" worth it for me, is that one day I will be able to "comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2Corinthians 1:4) God is already using my journey through food addiction to reach out to others.
So, I ask you. What hardship has God entrusted to you? What trial is God using in your life to show others His glory? Will you choose today to be a good steward, a living and breathing testimony to His power?
1Corinthians 10:13 says "no temptation has seized you except what is COMMON to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." I did some reading about this verse and it's language, and found in my Bible notes that the Greek for "temptation" and "tempted" can also mean "testing" and "tested." Whether I am dealing with temptation or a test, a difficult or trying situation, it is nothing NEW to mankind. It's common. There is nothing I can ever go through that someone else has not endured. I love this because God is reassuring me that I am not alone. Likewise, neither are you.
No matter what your trial, test, temptation or struggle, God has ordained you to be exactly where you are today. And more importantly, how you make your way through this season will be a testimony to everyone around you, a testimony to the power of God's strength. A testimony to the very reality of God. A testimony to the non-believers. The believers. The saved and unsaved. The lukewarm Christians. The hot-and-cold Christians. Everyone you and I encounter is watching to see just how our God is going to get us through this, whether they realize it or not.
This subject of being a good steward of a bad situation is new to me. I know I'm supposed to be a good steward of God's gifts, a good steward of our money...but a good steward of a bad situation? That's new. But, it's oh so eye opening!
The part I look forward to most, the one element which makes this "hard time" worth it for me, is that one day I will be able to "comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2Corinthians 1:4) God is already using my journey through food addiction to reach out to others.
So, I ask you. What hardship has God entrusted to you? What trial is God using in your life to show others His glory? Will you choose today to be a good steward, a living and breathing testimony to His power?
Saturday, January 22, 2011
The Ultimate Stronghold
I've been in a bit of a spiritual funk lately. My biggest issue is the problem I'm having in my prayer life. I hear the call, feel the nudge of the Spirit...moving me to pray or journal, and I find something else to do instead. Strange as it is, I still feel a closeness with God, though. I don't feel an absence on His part at all. Simply a lack of effort, obedience and willingness on my part.
God called me this morning, as He always does. And today, I finally went obediently to my Bible. I completed my BSF work for the day, did some work in another study I'm trying to finish...and I found a note from God, just for me. I love when He sends me notes!
As I often do, I skimmed through scripture on the surrounding pages of where my study had sent me, scanning previously marked and underlined segments, and I found Psalm 27, which begins, "The LORD is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid?" Did you catch the word "stronghold?" Woah! Someone slam on the brakes! I've always heard that word used in a negative way, like when I say food addiction is my stronghold. And here's God's word telling me He is my stronghold? I don't know about you, but I like that a lot better.
And it's no coincidence of course, that this little love note to me came in the midst of a personal struggle with rebellion against spending deep, concentrated time with the One I serve. You see, God wants us to dwell with Him, spend time with Him, get to know Him personally (yes, that is possible). God told me this morning He has missed me and that's enough to melt the heart of this little girl. His girl.
So this morning I am claiming God as my stronghold, the ultimate of all my strongholds. He is the conquerer, my shield, my sword. He outpowers, outwits and outlasts them all (my apologies for the Survivor-ish reference). He is my rock, the only foundation that doesn't give way. He won't budge. He is immovable. Unlike my other "strongholds," God is the one stronghold I never want to be delivered from.
So, yes, food is my addiction; but I joyfully declare, God is my stronghold.
God called me this morning, as He always does. And today, I finally went obediently to my Bible. I completed my BSF work for the day, did some work in another study I'm trying to finish...and I found a note from God, just for me. I love when He sends me notes!
As I often do, I skimmed through scripture on the surrounding pages of where my study had sent me, scanning previously marked and underlined segments, and I found Psalm 27, which begins, "The LORD is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid?" Did you catch the word "stronghold?" Woah! Someone slam on the brakes! I've always heard that word used in a negative way, like when I say food addiction is my stronghold. And here's God's word telling me He is my stronghold? I don't know about you, but I like that a lot better.
And it's no coincidence of course, that this little love note to me came in the midst of a personal struggle with rebellion against spending deep, concentrated time with the One I serve. You see, God wants us to dwell with Him, spend time with Him, get to know Him personally (yes, that is possible). God told me this morning He has missed me and that's enough to melt the heart of this little girl. His girl.
So this morning I am claiming God as my stronghold, the ultimate of all my strongholds. He is the conquerer, my shield, my sword. He outpowers, outwits and outlasts them all (my apologies for the Survivor-ish reference). He is my rock, the only foundation that doesn't give way. He won't budge. He is immovable. Unlike my other "strongholds," God is the one stronghold I never want to be delivered from.
So, yes, food is my addiction; but I joyfully declare, God is my stronghold.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Name Tags
My identity has been on my mind a bit today. I wear quite a few hats, don't you? From cook, to maid, to pharmacist, mommy, teacher, daycare provider, wife, friend, daughter, sister...to toy repair artist, account executive, homework checker, paper signer, check writer...to EMT, custodian, dry cleaner and laundry folder, dog lover, door opener, cup filler, butt wiper.... And those are the easy ones. The nice ones. The ones I would readily tell anyone, anytime, anywhere.
There are others though, more like self-assigned name tags. They're ones I'm less comfortable putting out there for the world to see, but they're equally real to me, and I probably hear their titles ringing in my ears more than the others.
Fatty.
Slob.
Failure.
Sinner.
Worthless.
Insignificant.
Ouch. It hurts my soul to even write those out in this bright screen, but I'm tired of them clanging around in my head like a set of cheap pots and pans! Now, they don't have as firm a residence in my heart as they used to. Praise the Lord, He is doing a work in me every day to remove these words from my vocabulary altogether. But they do still clash around now and then. Like when I overeat or make a bad food choice. Or when I fail my husband, my kids or a friend somehow. Or when I can't do all the things I've commited myself to, like one-too-many Bible studies at a time.
I make mistakes everyday and the enemy tries to bombard me with these labels, and tries to tear me down. He hasn't been as successful recently as he used to be because I'm learning who I really am...who I belong to and who defines me.
In Psalm 139: 13-16, David says to God, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." I'll tell you, this bit of scripture is better to me than any piece of Godiva. Period. It's straight up delicious!
My pieces did not fall together; God KNIT me together with purpose. God did not put me together, and seeing who I would become, change His mind. He instead ordained my days! How can I insult the Creator by feeling insecure and insignificant, or like a failure? That's a waste of His time, His craftsmanship, and an insult to His character, His mercy and His love.
I am nothing less than exactly who HE made me to be. Making this a truth within me, that is rooted in the depths of my being, and thus permanently retiring the ugly titles I've given myself, is how others will also be able to see God's truth in me and make it their own. Not through my deeds ('cuz I can't do enough), my perfection ('cuz I'm not perfect), or the number of Beth Moore Bible studies I've done ('cuz she works way faster than I can)...but instead by the joy that grows from knowing I belong to God. God made me. God ordained me to be right here, right now, in this very spot of my rollercoaster-life.
I'm trading in my lies for truth. Shredding the old name tag, and making a new one. Thank you, Jesus!
The Bible tells us in 2Corinthians 1:22 that God has "set His seal of ownership on us." I can picture that seal, a name tag of sorts. I hope it's not as bulky as the ones we wear at BSF (seriously, whose idea is that?)...but, i can imagine God's seal on me, identifying me to my Precious Lord. My name tag used to say some things I'm not proud of, or it did in my mind atleast. Now, though, it says "child of God." For John 1:12 tells us, "yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God."
What does your name tag say?
There are others though, more like self-assigned name tags. They're ones I'm less comfortable putting out there for the world to see, but they're equally real to me, and I probably hear their titles ringing in my ears more than the others.
Fatty.
Slob.
Failure.
Sinner.
Worthless.
Insignificant.
Ouch. It hurts my soul to even write those out in this bright screen, but I'm tired of them clanging around in my head like a set of cheap pots and pans! Now, they don't have as firm a residence in my heart as they used to. Praise the Lord, He is doing a work in me every day to remove these words from my vocabulary altogether. But they do still clash around now and then. Like when I overeat or make a bad food choice. Or when I fail my husband, my kids or a friend somehow. Or when I can't do all the things I've commited myself to, like one-too-many Bible studies at a time.
I make mistakes everyday and the enemy tries to bombard me with these labels, and tries to tear me down. He hasn't been as successful recently as he used to be because I'm learning who I really am...who I belong to and who defines me.
In Psalm 139: 13-16, David says to God, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." I'll tell you, this bit of scripture is better to me than any piece of Godiva. Period. It's straight up delicious!
My pieces did not fall together; God KNIT me together with purpose. God did not put me together, and seeing who I would become, change His mind. He instead ordained my days! How can I insult the Creator by feeling insecure and insignificant, or like a failure? That's a waste of His time, His craftsmanship, and an insult to His character, His mercy and His love.
I am nothing less than exactly who HE made me to be. Making this a truth within me, that is rooted in the depths of my being, and thus permanently retiring the ugly titles I've given myself, is how others will also be able to see God's truth in me and make it their own. Not through my deeds ('cuz I can't do enough), my perfection ('cuz I'm not perfect), or the number of Beth Moore Bible studies I've done ('cuz she works way faster than I can)...but instead by the joy that grows from knowing I belong to God. God made me. God ordained me to be right here, right now, in this very spot of my rollercoaster-life.
I'm trading in my lies for truth. Shredding the old name tag, and making a new one. Thank you, Jesus!
The Bible tells us in 2Corinthians 1:22 that God has "set His seal of ownership on us." I can picture that seal, a name tag of sorts. I hope it's not as bulky as the ones we wear at BSF (seriously, whose idea is that?)...but, i can imagine God's seal on me, identifying me to my Precious Lord. My name tag used to say some things I'm not proud of, or it did in my mind atleast. Now, though, it says "child of God." For John 1:12 tells us, "yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God."
What does your name tag say?
Monday, January 17, 2011
Making Decisions
Today is one of those days. I've been sick for nearly a week now with ear infections and I'm assuming, a sinus infection (since my face and my jaw hurt, too). I have a couple decisions I need to make today. They seem simple, but in my compromised health, they may be requiring more of me than I have to offer. So I'm seeking your input :)
I'm sick of being sick, and tired of being in bed. While I could easily spend today in the bed, where I've been for three days now, part of me can't help but wonder, is that what I really want to do? I am tempted to get a shower, throw some make-up on and my fave pair of jeans, and actually be productive, and pretend I don't feel like crud. But, that honestly sounds exhausting. I realize this decision is completely up to me, but I guess I wanted to share my dilemma. LOL
I have two other decisions to make also, these regarding my freedom from food addiction. First, today is technically a liquid day. Should I resume my fasting schedule today, despite not feeling good? This one is not as hard for me to decide, because a liquid day allows for lots of soup and, of course, liquids, so it wouldn't be unsafe even though I'm sick. I will probably make today a liquid day and resume my fasting schedule.
The next question is not so easy though. How about my "freedom days?" I've been in such a blur of half-sleep and cough syrup the last four days, my eating has been anything but normal. My tastebuds are iffy at best, I've eaten sherbet for breakfast, and I've skipped meals. I don't think I have overeaten, but I can't be sure. I can think of a couple deliberate victories, though, like when my husband offered me a second peanut butter cup and I turned it down. So do the last couple days count? I'm always hardest on myself and like most of us, I'm definitely my own worst critic, so I'm inclined to start over today at Day #1. I just want my "count" to be an accurate reflection of my freedom, both for myself, and for each of you. Perhaps I should ask my husband. He would have a good perspective because he has seen everything I've eaten, and I know he'll be honest with me. He's so good like that.
So, I'll definitely have to make the first two decisions on my own, but as for the third question, what do you think? Should today be Day #1 or Day #6. Be honest with me. How would you make the decision for yourself?
I'm sick of being sick, and tired of being in bed. While I could easily spend today in the bed, where I've been for three days now, part of me can't help but wonder, is that what I really want to do? I am tempted to get a shower, throw some make-up on and my fave pair of jeans, and actually be productive, and pretend I don't feel like crud. But, that honestly sounds exhausting. I realize this decision is completely up to me, but I guess I wanted to share my dilemma. LOL
I have two other decisions to make also, these regarding my freedom from food addiction. First, today is technically a liquid day. Should I resume my fasting schedule today, despite not feeling good? This one is not as hard for me to decide, because a liquid day allows for lots of soup and, of course, liquids, so it wouldn't be unsafe even though I'm sick. I will probably make today a liquid day and resume my fasting schedule.
The next question is not so easy though. How about my "freedom days?" I've been in such a blur of half-sleep and cough syrup the last four days, my eating has been anything but normal. My tastebuds are iffy at best, I've eaten sherbet for breakfast, and I've skipped meals. I don't think I have overeaten, but I can't be sure. I can think of a couple deliberate victories, though, like when my husband offered me a second peanut butter cup and I turned it down. So do the last couple days count? I'm always hardest on myself and like most of us, I'm definitely my own worst critic, so I'm inclined to start over today at Day #1. I just want my "count" to be an accurate reflection of my freedom, both for myself, and for each of you. Perhaps I should ask my husband. He would have a good perspective because he has seen everything I've eaten, and I know he'll be honest with me. He's so good like that.
So, I'll definitely have to make the first two decisions on my own, but as for the third question, what do you think? Should today be Day #1 or Day #6. Be honest with me. How would you make the decision for yourself?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
The Lion and the Plan
I have a battle plan to get me through those rough moments when temptation is screaming in my ear and my flesh is begging me to give in. The individual steps seem almost silly, or too simple to work. They do work...when I follow them. What good is a plan if you don't follow it? None at all, trust me. And following the plan is surprisingly difficult for me somedays (which is why I caved under the pressure two days ago.)
1Peter 5:8 tells us "be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." My battle plan helps keep me both self-controlled and alert. You cannot defeat the lion without a plan. This isn't just any lion. This one wants to devour you and me both. Do you know what devour means? It means to "eat up greedily or ravenously, annihilate." The devil is out to destroy us completely, not just cause an injury or take an arm. He wants us spiritually DEAD!
God's command for overcoming temptation can be found in 2Timothy 2:22, which says "flee the desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." This command gives us three critical elements to include in our plan. First, let's address the word "flee." This word is not just the word that means leave or get out. The original word means to run as if your life depends on it and not look back. Imagine a lion sitting on your couch. You wouldn't just stroll into another room! That is how we are instructed to flee temptation. Next, we are not only to flee, but also to pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace...pursue safety. And finally, who are we to make this pursuit with? "Those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." Our sisters and brothers in Christ. Those who support us spiritually. This one can be especially hard for some, because it requires that "honesty grenade" we talked about yesterday.
So what does a plan look like? I thought I'd share my plan with you today in hopes that it will help you develop your own. Of course, yours could look very different from mine, depending on your specific stronghold and temptations.
First, I had to decide to not take naps without John at home. I have a terrible urge for a binge when I wake from a nap, and this eliminates one intense desire to binge for me. Second, avoid the kitchen and/or walk away from the food when possible. I do fix snacks/meals for my daycare, so sometimes this won't be an option. I also try not to leave food on the counter. Third, I speak outloud, with determination, against the temptation: I WILL NOT BE TEMPTED. Fourth, I cry out to God. I pray that God will remove my desire for the food and increase my desire for more of Him. Next, I read scripture from my Scripture Journal, read my Bible or play praise music (or do all three if necessary). Finally, if I am still struggling with the temptation, I will call Lindsey or John. When I follow my plan, it works. When I don't...yep, you guessed it. It doesn't work.
What will you include in your plan? Is yours similar to mine? I'd love to know.
1Peter 5:8 tells us "be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." My battle plan helps keep me both self-controlled and alert. You cannot defeat the lion without a plan. This isn't just any lion. This one wants to devour you and me both. Do you know what devour means? It means to "eat up greedily or ravenously, annihilate." The devil is out to destroy us completely, not just cause an injury or take an arm. He wants us spiritually DEAD!
God's command for overcoming temptation can be found in 2Timothy 2:22, which says "flee the desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." This command gives us three critical elements to include in our plan. First, let's address the word "flee." This word is not just the word that means leave or get out. The original word means to run as if your life depends on it and not look back. Imagine a lion sitting on your couch. You wouldn't just stroll into another room! That is how we are instructed to flee temptation. Next, we are not only to flee, but also to pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace...pursue safety. And finally, who are we to make this pursuit with? "Those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." Our sisters and brothers in Christ. Those who support us spiritually. This one can be especially hard for some, because it requires that "honesty grenade" we talked about yesterday.
So what does a plan look like? I thought I'd share my plan with you today in hopes that it will help you develop your own. Of course, yours could look very different from mine, depending on your specific stronghold and temptations.
First, I had to decide to not take naps without John at home. I have a terrible urge for a binge when I wake from a nap, and this eliminates one intense desire to binge for me. Second, avoid the kitchen and/or walk away from the food when possible. I do fix snacks/meals for my daycare, so sometimes this won't be an option. I also try not to leave food on the counter. Third, I speak outloud, with determination, against the temptation: I WILL NOT BE TEMPTED. Fourth, I cry out to God. I pray that God will remove my desire for the food and increase my desire for more of Him. Next, I read scripture from my Scripture Journal, read my Bible or play praise music (or do all three if necessary). Finally, if I am still struggling with the temptation, I will call Lindsey or John. When I follow my plan, it works. When I don't...yep, you guessed it. It doesn't work.
What will you include in your plan? Is yours similar to mine? I'd love to know.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Blessings in the Fall
Yesterday was supposed to be my 10th consecutive day of freedom. And today should have been day eleven. But it's not. Instead, today I am restarting at Day #1.
Needless to say, I did not follow the "rules of the day" yesterday. I gave in to my flesh and had a binge. I had the whole conversation in my head, my spirit desperately trying to talk my flesh out of doing it. I was overwhelmed with the urge, did not enact my battle plan, and gave in. Initially, I was devastated. For hours, in fact. I felt like a failure, a fraud and a piece of junk.
Being nearly 24 hours from the binge now, though, I see it quite differently. Today, I am choosing to see the blessings in my fall.
The first blessing came in an unusual form. There was something tremendously different about this binge than all the others I've ever had: the guilt afterwards was the heaviest I've ever felt. I suddenly felt the guilt from my sin in a big way, and it was clear to me I had been numb to my sin for years; this time, I was feeling it. I can't say why I was given the gift of this guilt, if it was related to falling from the longest stretch of freedom I had experienced, or just that God saw fit. Whatever the reason, the guilt is immense. I spent the evening with wonderful women last night (playing Bunco), clothed in my guilt, wondering if everyone else could see it. I laid in my guilt to go to sleep. And I woke with it this morning, like a cape I can't take off. (Makes me think of The Scarlett Letter. Instead of an "A" for adulterer though, can we all just agree on the generic "S" for Sinner? Did you read that in high school, too?)
I believe I need to spend some time with my guilt. Get to know it again. If I rush through this guilt, and don't fully process the why's and how's, and brush it off like I have so many times before, how will I learn? How will I not fall again today or tomorrow? Guilt is a wonderful thing, and I'm praising God for it this morning. I'm thankful that God removed that layer of numbness and exposed my soul to the pain of my sin.
My second blessing was especially painful. Shortly after my fall yesterday, I realized the sad fact that my own husband had no idea what a binge really is. When I told him I binged, he asked what I ate (which for some strange reason, he's never asked before), and I told him. While his reaction made me feel humiliated, it was yet another layer of shame being peeled away. It was what I needed. I truly didn't know he had no understanding of exactly what a binge is. During this conversation with John it became very clear to me how I have kept my bingeing a secret from him, hidden, and in the dark. I would have told anyone though, that I'm not a secret eater. I don't hide food in the house or in my car, so I didn't think I was. Clearly, if after 11 years of marriage my husband has no idea what a binge is, I've been a secret eater. By removing the secrecy of the act, satan is being further disarmed. (Eventually, I'll have all his weapons LOL)
The final blessing I want to share with you, is the act of sharing my fall. It's a blessing to me to have to confess it to everyone, even as embarassing as it is and as sad as it makes me. I pray that it is a blessing to each of you to hear my confession and I hope that my transparency shows you you are not alone in this journey. Perhaps my fall will allow you to confess to someone today. My sweet friend Lindsey calls it the "honesty grenade." When you fall on the grenade, by confessing and being brutally honest with someone, you're paving the way for them to come to you when they need to most. By being honest, you give someone else persmission to be honest with you. And trust me, whoever she is, she needs that from you. Desperately, I'd bet.
I wish I had the perfect scriptures to share with you this morning, but I don't. I'm still processing through this, and I'm still digging into God's word. Do you have a fitting scripture to share? I'd love the suggestions <3
Needless to say, I did not follow the "rules of the day" yesterday. I gave in to my flesh and had a binge. I had the whole conversation in my head, my spirit desperately trying to talk my flesh out of doing it. I was overwhelmed with the urge, did not enact my battle plan, and gave in. Initially, I was devastated. For hours, in fact. I felt like a failure, a fraud and a piece of junk.
Being nearly 24 hours from the binge now, though, I see it quite differently. Today, I am choosing to see the blessings in my fall.
The first blessing came in an unusual form. There was something tremendously different about this binge than all the others I've ever had: the guilt afterwards was the heaviest I've ever felt. I suddenly felt the guilt from my sin in a big way, and it was clear to me I had been numb to my sin for years; this time, I was feeling it. I can't say why I was given the gift of this guilt, if it was related to falling from the longest stretch of freedom I had experienced, or just that God saw fit. Whatever the reason, the guilt is immense. I spent the evening with wonderful women last night (playing Bunco), clothed in my guilt, wondering if everyone else could see it. I laid in my guilt to go to sleep. And I woke with it this morning, like a cape I can't take off. (Makes me think of The Scarlett Letter. Instead of an "A" for adulterer though, can we all just agree on the generic "S" for Sinner? Did you read that in high school, too?)
I believe I need to spend some time with my guilt. Get to know it again. If I rush through this guilt, and don't fully process the why's and how's, and brush it off like I have so many times before, how will I learn? How will I not fall again today or tomorrow? Guilt is a wonderful thing, and I'm praising God for it this morning. I'm thankful that God removed that layer of numbness and exposed my soul to the pain of my sin.
My second blessing was especially painful. Shortly after my fall yesterday, I realized the sad fact that my own husband had no idea what a binge really is. When I told him I binged, he asked what I ate (which for some strange reason, he's never asked before), and I told him. While his reaction made me feel humiliated, it was yet another layer of shame being peeled away. It was what I needed. I truly didn't know he had no understanding of exactly what a binge is. During this conversation with John it became very clear to me how I have kept my bingeing a secret from him, hidden, and in the dark. I would have told anyone though, that I'm not a secret eater. I don't hide food in the house or in my car, so I didn't think I was. Clearly, if after 11 years of marriage my husband has no idea what a binge is, I've been a secret eater. By removing the secrecy of the act, satan is being further disarmed. (Eventually, I'll have all his weapons LOL)
The final blessing I want to share with you, is the act of sharing my fall. It's a blessing to me to have to confess it to everyone, even as embarassing as it is and as sad as it makes me. I pray that it is a blessing to each of you to hear my confession and I hope that my transparency shows you you are not alone in this journey. Perhaps my fall will allow you to confess to someone today. My sweet friend Lindsey calls it the "honesty grenade." When you fall on the grenade, by confessing and being brutally honest with someone, you're paving the way for them to come to you when they need to most. By being honest, you give someone else persmission to be honest with you. And trust me, whoever she is, she needs that from you. Desperately, I'd bet.
I wish I had the perfect scriptures to share with you this morning, but I don't. I'm still processing through this, and I'm still digging into God's word. Do you have a fitting scripture to share? I'd love the suggestions <3
Monday, January 10, 2011
Success or Freedom?
I've been giving everyone a count of sorts, announcing the number of consecutive days of freedom I've had. Some of you might wonder how I am determining or measuring my freedom and what the contributing factors are. I find freedom to be a very obscure concept to a large degree, and I readily recognize that what you consider freedom and what I consider freedom may not look the same. But I do have some guidelines I am using to determine whether or not I'm free.
For years, I measured my success and not my freedom. And unfortunately my success (or lack thereof) was determined by the number on a scale or the size of my pants, and very little else mattered. Now, however, I am striving for freedom, not perfection, thinness or other traits deemed necessary by the powers that be. The lines of my freedom are deleneated by so much more. When I say I'm 9 days free (like I will be tonight when I go to bed), it means a couple very specific things.
My first measuring tool is my food intake. Just because I'm taking a scriptural approach to my food issues doesn't mean I get to ignore the facts about food. The study I am doing online has two choices for a food plan, and I'm using one that is a series of fasts. Each week consists of two liquid fasts, two 1/2 days, two normal days, and one complete fast. If I say I'm free, it means I have abided by the "rules" of the day. I love these guidelines not because they encourage legalism or living by the law of man, but because they are designed to help me discipline my body after years of ignoring my physical hunger cues (you know those cues God designed especially for us to know when we're hungry and when we're full? Yeah, I forgot about 'em too.) as well as learning to deny myself after years of indulgence. Did you know hunger pangs aren't even physically painful? LOL That's been a real eye-opener for me.
Secondly, it means I am actively seeking relationship with God more than I am seeking comfort from food. Unfortunately, if I'm seeking food more than God, I cannot stick to my food plan for the day. It's just not possible.
Third, I stick to the God I know and trust. Yes, science has much to say about weight loss and healthy eating and diet and exercise...it's a whirlwind of information. However, I have opted not to ever weigh my food, count points or carbs or calories, or anything of that nature. I have OCD tendencies, and this type of method has always proven to be the wrong road for me. When I count anything, it becomes foremost in my mind and suddenly I am bowing to the wrong god. Our God is amazing! He gave us physical cues to signal hunger and satisfaction, and that's what I'm learning to recognize again. The truth of the matter is, no food is off limits when it is consumed within the boundaries God gave us.
Finally, I cannot obsess about my weight! I know we all have done this. The ridiculous routine of weighing ourselves in the am...before the shower, after the shower, after we dry our hair, before we're dressed...all the time praying it will be different the next time we weigh, a mere moments later. For me, I'll even weigh later in the day, then in the evening, and for good measure, some extra times in between. Good grief!! So freedom for me also includes freedom from the scale. I have removed the battery from the scale, have had my husband hide it from me, whatever it takes. At this point, I am not weighing again until I finish the online course. I have about 25 days left, and that's when I'll weigh again.
So tonight when I go to bed, I will be 9 days free from weighing, measuring, counting, and obsessing, bingeing, starving and overeating. Freedom is huge. Huge. HUGE. My question to you tonight is...Are you measuring your success or your FREEDOM?
For years, I measured my success and not my freedom. And unfortunately my success (or lack thereof) was determined by the number on a scale or the size of my pants, and very little else mattered. Now, however, I am striving for freedom, not perfection, thinness or other traits deemed necessary by the powers that be. The lines of my freedom are deleneated by so much more. When I say I'm 9 days free (like I will be tonight when I go to bed), it means a couple very specific things.
My first measuring tool is my food intake. Just because I'm taking a scriptural approach to my food issues doesn't mean I get to ignore the facts about food. The study I am doing online has two choices for a food plan, and I'm using one that is a series of fasts. Each week consists of two liquid fasts, two 1/2 days, two normal days, and one complete fast. If I say I'm free, it means I have abided by the "rules" of the day. I love these guidelines not because they encourage legalism or living by the law of man, but because they are designed to help me discipline my body after years of ignoring my physical hunger cues (you know those cues God designed especially for us to know when we're hungry and when we're full? Yeah, I forgot about 'em too.) as well as learning to deny myself after years of indulgence. Did you know hunger pangs aren't even physically painful? LOL That's been a real eye-opener for me.
Secondly, it means I am actively seeking relationship with God more than I am seeking comfort from food. Unfortunately, if I'm seeking food more than God, I cannot stick to my food plan for the day. It's just not possible.
Third, I stick to the God I know and trust. Yes, science has much to say about weight loss and healthy eating and diet and exercise...it's a whirlwind of information. However, I have opted not to ever weigh my food, count points or carbs or calories, or anything of that nature. I have OCD tendencies, and this type of method has always proven to be the wrong road for me. When I count anything, it becomes foremost in my mind and suddenly I am bowing to the wrong god. Our God is amazing! He gave us physical cues to signal hunger and satisfaction, and that's what I'm learning to recognize again. The truth of the matter is, no food is off limits when it is consumed within the boundaries God gave us.
Finally, I cannot obsess about my weight! I know we all have done this. The ridiculous routine of weighing ourselves in the am...before the shower, after the shower, after we dry our hair, before we're dressed...all the time praying it will be different the next time we weigh, a mere moments later. For me, I'll even weigh later in the day, then in the evening, and for good measure, some extra times in between. Good grief!! So freedom for me also includes freedom from the scale. I have removed the battery from the scale, have had my husband hide it from me, whatever it takes. At this point, I am not weighing again until I finish the online course. I have about 25 days left, and that's when I'll weigh again.
So tonight when I go to bed, I will be 9 days free from weighing, measuring, counting, and obsessing, bingeing, starving and overeating. Freedom is huge. Huge. HUGE. My question to you tonight is...Are you measuring your success or your FREEDOM?
Check out this Webcast
Check out Webcast
Made To Crave, by Lysa TerKeurst...I hope you'll join me in listening tonight as she talks about healthy living and eating.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
A Cord of Three
In the days since starting this blog, I have seen firsthand what I believe to be the No. 1 reason God spoke this idea to me: community, sharing openly and supporting one another...AKA "disarming the enemy." In case you didn't know, satan is a liar. John 8:44 tells us "...for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies."
Satan's top lies to me include an assortment of heinous mistruths. He whispers in my ear, laughs in my face, and taunts me. He tells me "you're in this alone," or "she's overweight, but she's not obsessed with food like you are," or "careful, they're all looking at you," or "do you see as many fat dimples as I do?" or "they can all hear your thighs rubbing together, you know." Worse yet, when satan gets a glimpse of my desire to be free, when his evil angels start muttering and stirring about subtle changes in my behavior, he will instead tell me "it's not that big of a deal. God would want you to enjoy all the food you want. It doesn't matter what size you are! That's real freedom." Please! Someone put a cork in his mouth, a sock, a pacifier...something! I've heard enough!
This blog of ours is a place we can all be honest. It is only when we begin to share our stories that we will begin to see freedom, because his lies will no longer have power over us. God designed friendship and accountability for this very reason. We need each other. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says "two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Maybe some of you, like I have, feel like you're a strand all by yourself. The reality is that you're at the very least a cord of two: you, and God. Maybe you're really blessed and are already part of a cord of three, or better yet, perhaps your cord has lots of strands (that's me, Praise God).
Do you know someone (besides God) who will love you no matter what you confess to them, who will tell you the hard things with tenderness and who will hold your heart close to theirs? Deep...and I do mean deep...Christian friendship is one of the most rewarding blessings in my life. Without this intimate friendship, I would not be who I am today. I am praying each of you will find this third member, if you haven't already. If you have, who is in your cord? Do you have someone you can be brutally honest with?
Satan's top lies to me include an assortment of heinous mistruths. He whispers in my ear, laughs in my face, and taunts me. He tells me "you're in this alone," or "she's overweight, but she's not obsessed with food like you are," or "careful, they're all looking at you," or "do you see as many fat dimples as I do?" or "they can all hear your thighs rubbing together, you know." Worse yet, when satan gets a glimpse of my desire to be free, when his evil angels start muttering and stirring about subtle changes in my behavior, he will instead tell me "it's not that big of a deal. God would want you to enjoy all the food you want. It doesn't matter what size you are! That's real freedom." Please! Someone put a cork in his mouth, a sock, a pacifier...something! I've heard enough!
This blog of ours is a place we can all be honest. It is only when we begin to share our stories that we will begin to see freedom, because his lies will no longer have power over us. God designed friendship and accountability for this very reason. We need each other. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says "two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Maybe some of you, like I have, feel like you're a strand all by yourself. The reality is that you're at the very least a cord of two: you, and God. Maybe you're really blessed and are already part of a cord of three, or better yet, perhaps your cord has lots of strands (that's me, Praise God).
Do you know someone (besides God) who will love you no matter what you confess to them, who will tell you the hard things with tenderness and who will hold your heart close to theirs? Deep...and I do mean deep...Christian friendship is one of the most rewarding blessings in my life. Without this intimate friendship, I would not be who I am today. I am praying each of you will find this third member, if you haven't already. If you have, who is in your cord? Do you have someone you can be brutally honest with?
Saturday, January 8, 2011
How Do Those Ashes Taste?
My ashes taste like chocolate, various types of junk food, bread...lots of bread...and generally anything else I can eat to excess (including vegetables and fruits...I'm a full-on food addict). What flavor are your ashes?
"For I eat ashes as my food and mingle my drink with tears." (Ps 102:9) If you're like me, you've been malnourished because of the ashes you've consumed. Spiritually scrawny, perhaps. Eating ashes has led to nothing but bad stuff for me, like guilt, shame, low self-esteem, and weight gain (to name JUST a few). I'm sick of eating ashes! And let's be real...who would seriously choose to eat ashes?! I'm done eating 'em and I'm done crying into 'em. *pushes bowl of ashes aside*
So what should we eat? I have spent my life trying to feed a spiritual need with a physical provision. I have recently been taught the difference between the two needs and am learning to instead feast at the table with Christ my savior. John 6:31 tells us "Our forefathers ate the manna in the desert; as it is written: 'He gave them bread from heaven to eat.' " Christ is our bread from heaven. Feed on Him, through His word. Seek Him when your body is screaming for food you don't need. Allow Him to finally fill the need of the heart He created in you. Who better to fill the need than the One who created it?
"He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes, with the princes of their people." (Psalm 113:8)
Let's seek more of God together and feast at the table with Him!
"For I eat ashes as my food and mingle my drink with tears." (Ps 102:9) If you're like me, you've been malnourished because of the ashes you've consumed. Spiritually scrawny, perhaps. Eating ashes has led to nothing but bad stuff for me, like guilt, shame, low self-esteem, and weight gain (to name JUST a few). I'm sick of eating ashes! And let's be real...who would seriously choose to eat ashes?! I'm done eating 'em and I'm done crying into 'em. *pushes bowl of ashes aside*
So what should we eat? I have spent my life trying to feed a spiritual need with a physical provision. I have recently been taught the difference between the two needs and am learning to instead feast at the table with Christ my savior. John 6:31 tells us "Our forefathers ate the manna in the desert; as it is written: 'He gave them bread from heaven to eat.' " Christ is our bread from heaven. Feed on Him, through His word. Seek Him when your body is screaming for food you don't need. Allow Him to finally fill the need of the heart He created in you. Who better to fill the need than the One who created it?
"He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes, with the princes of their people." (Psalm 113:8)
Let's seek more of God together and feast at the table with Him!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Defining Freedom
Have you ever noticed that sometimes the easiest way to define something is by defining what it isn't? That's kind of how I feel about defining my freedom. I have lived in bondage to food for so long (since childhood) that I can easily spout out a list of what freedom is not.
It makes me think of a story my grandmother used to tell me and my cousins frequently about my Uncle Mike. When he was a baby (the youngest of 5), my grandparents would cart all 5 children down to the bowling alley, and they regularly carried the play pen as well. Now this isn't like the pack 'n play of our day. This is before they were collapseable and before the popular use of mesh sides (can you imagine?). My Uncle Mike would spend the evening in this play pen, legs hanging out through the prison-style spindle sides, and scooch his feet on the floor, thus moving his play pen throughout the bowling alley. He was a clever little trouble maker, so I hear.
Kind of a comical picture...until I picture myself in that play pen. I've been scooching my feet along the floor, carrying my prison with me since I was a young child. I know this prison intimately. I bet you know your prison equally well.
So what is freedom for me? Well, here is what it is not. Freedom is not...eating a meal and lusting over what and when I will eat again...being embarassed to eat the amount I really want to eat because others will see...eating a meal before a meal...eating food so fast I can barely taste it...walking into a room and caring more about what is being served than who I will get to visit with...trying to pour myself into my jeans...buying bigger clothes, again...being obsessed with food to the point that it is often all I think about...counting calories, points, carbs, fat grams or weighing my food...weighing myself daily or worse yet, multiple times in the same day(!) ...wondering if people are looking at my fat butt when I walk in a room (or my stomach or my boobs for that matter)...thinking I am less than beautiful because satan plays a smart game (he's such a punk).
I'm sure I could go on for days describing my prison to you. No matter what bars close my prison in, I bet they're practically the same as yours. That's the funny thing about prisons. All the walls look the same, don't they?
Let's talk about freedom :) The study I have been working through is a 60-day scripturally-based study designed to lead me to freedom. It has been an ugly walk for me. I so wish I could say I started and finished, and walked a straight line from beginning to end. But I can't. I have experienced fall after fall. I have been beaten and kicked while I was down by satan himself, only to wobble to my feet, gain some measure of freedom, and be sucker punched again. I got to Day #30 of the study, and chose to return to Day #1. I felt like an unhappy child being punished by Daddy...which only served to reinforce for me that it was the right thing to do. I seriously wanted to throw down an old-fashioned temper tantrum. I sure hope some of you can identify with that feeling!
From there, I continued through to Day #52. In the meantime, I experienced a major rebellion in my spirit. I was doing the work, atleast 5 days per week, but on a very superficial level. Consequently, I had no growth and no freedom in this period of time. I feel like I had turned a cold shoulder to God. I still can't explain what happened with me in this 4 to 6 week time period. Praise God, I'm on the other side. God never left me, though; sadly, and unexplainably for me, I turned from Him. God's grace is so beautiful and so complete though. It's as if God took my face by the chin and said "hey, I'm over here." And now my eyes are on Him again. I requested that my mentor in the study reset my work to Day #30. I have now turned a 60-day study into 120 days. That's not easy for my pride, but I am determined to be free, no matter what it takes.
I'm laying in bed typing this, rejoicing over the fact that I can say I'm wrapping up my sixth consecutive day of freedom! This is the longest stretch of victory I have experienced since beginning the study. So what is freedom? Freedom is more than a set of rules. It's knowing my actions are in line with God's will. For six days, I have not overeaten, binged or starved myself.
The coolest thing about freedom is that what defines mine may not be the same as what defines yours. What would freedom look like for you? I'd love to know, and so would others. It's time to get real, get honest and take off the mask.
(Please see Psalm 139 and Romans 8 for your own reference.)
It makes me think of a story my grandmother used to tell me and my cousins frequently about my Uncle Mike. When he was a baby (the youngest of 5), my grandparents would cart all 5 children down to the bowling alley, and they regularly carried the play pen as well. Now this isn't like the pack 'n play of our day. This is before they were collapseable and before the popular use of mesh sides (can you imagine?). My Uncle Mike would spend the evening in this play pen, legs hanging out through the prison-style spindle sides, and scooch his feet on the floor, thus moving his play pen throughout the bowling alley. He was a clever little trouble maker, so I hear.
Kind of a comical picture...until I picture myself in that play pen. I've been scooching my feet along the floor, carrying my prison with me since I was a young child. I know this prison intimately. I bet you know your prison equally well.
So what is freedom for me? Well, here is what it is not. Freedom is not...eating a meal and lusting over what and when I will eat again...being embarassed to eat the amount I really want to eat because others will see...eating a meal before a meal...eating food so fast I can barely taste it...walking into a room and caring more about what is being served than who I will get to visit with...trying to pour myself into my jeans...buying bigger clothes, again...being obsessed with food to the point that it is often all I think about...counting calories, points, carbs, fat grams or weighing my food...weighing myself daily or worse yet, multiple times in the same day(!) ...wondering if people are looking at my fat butt when I walk in a room (or my stomach or my boobs for that matter)...thinking I am less than beautiful because satan plays a smart game (he's such a punk).
I'm sure I could go on for days describing my prison to you. No matter what bars close my prison in, I bet they're practically the same as yours. That's the funny thing about prisons. All the walls look the same, don't they?
Let's talk about freedom :) The study I have been working through is a 60-day scripturally-based study designed to lead me to freedom. It has been an ugly walk for me. I so wish I could say I started and finished, and walked a straight line from beginning to end. But I can't. I have experienced fall after fall. I have been beaten and kicked while I was down by satan himself, only to wobble to my feet, gain some measure of freedom, and be sucker punched again. I got to Day #30 of the study, and chose to return to Day #1. I felt like an unhappy child being punished by Daddy...which only served to reinforce for me that it was the right thing to do. I seriously wanted to throw down an old-fashioned temper tantrum. I sure hope some of you can identify with that feeling!
From there, I continued through to Day #52. In the meantime, I experienced a major rebellion in my spirit. I was doing the work, atleast 5 days per week, but on a very superficial level. Consequently, I had no growth and no freedom in this period of time. I feel like I had turned a cold shoulder to God. I still can't explain what happened with me in this 4 to 6 week time period. Praise God, I'm on the other side. God never left me, though; sadly, and unexplainably for me, I turned from Him. God's grace is so beautiful and so complete though. It's as if God took my face by the chin and said "hey, I'm over here." And now my eyes are on Him again. I requested that my mentor in the study reset my work to Day #30. I have now turned a 60-day study into 120 days. That's not easy for my pride, but I am determined to be free, no matter what it takes.
I'm laying in bed typing this, rejoicing over the fact that I can say I'm wrapping up my sixth consecutive day of freedom! This is the longest stretch of victory I have experienced since beginning the study. So what is freedom? Freedom is more than a set of rules. It's knowing my actions are in line with God's will. For six days, I have not overeaten, binged or starved myself.
The coolest thing about freedom is that what defines mine may not be the same as what defines yours. What would freedom look like for you? I'd love to know, and so would others. It's time to get real, get honest and take off the mask.
(Please see Psalm 139 and Romans 8 for your own reference.)
Freedom or BUST!
Good morning, Friends!
I'm sitting in my living room, watching three toddlers climb and play on the recliner, wondering to myself, "why would anyone be interested in anything I have to say?" But God planted an idea in my heart yesterday, and here I am.
I have struggled for as long as I can remember with my weight and related food issues, including bingeing, starving and overeating. Since October (I think) I have been working through my food issues in an online Bible study. It has been a grueling fight for my freedom, to say the least. I am still not free. Today, I can say I have had five days of victory. And that's huge.
Within the last week, I have experienced a renewal of my mind and spirit, and am experiencing increased focus and God-given determination to be free from this stronghold. Let's call it what it is, people...it's GLUTTONY! Isn't that an ugly word? I like calling it a stronghold instead :) None of us wants to consider ourselves gluttons. I know I didn't. But that's what and who I am, and God is setting me free.
This blog is the story of my journey to freedom. Until this point, it has been a very privately- painful fight for freedom. God suggested to me yesterday, though, that I go public. That, perhaps, other people out there would benefit from my story. Now, I can feel some of you rolling your eyes already, saying to yourselves, "it's just food, you're making too much of it" or "go on a diet and be done with it." I'll tell each of you though, that I've tried man's ways to be free, and it's gotten me nowhere. I've experienced temporary success on multiple occasions, only to return to old habits and pits of sin time and time again.
I'm wiping my hands of this back-and-forth junk, and I've set my mind on freedom. I will be writing this blog to tell my story and hopefully to minister to others. No matter what your stronghold may be, I believe my story can help. I've come to learn that sin is sin is sin...period. My sin and your sin are the same...in their most basic forms, sin is disobedience to God. I know when I'm free from this and finally bring my eating into God's will and am obedient to Him, I will be working to be free from a different stronghold. Don't think food is my only issue! LOL
So I ask you, how are you disobeying God? Do you want to be free? Join me in this fight, this journey to be free. Do the hard work, dig deep and set your mind on what God wants for you. Let's go!
I'm sitting in my living room, watching three toddlers climb and play on the recliner, wondering to myself, "why would anyone be interested in anything I have to say?" But God planted an idea in my heart yesterday, and here I am.
I have struggled for as long as I can remember with my weight and related food issues, including bingeing, starving and overeating. Since October (I think) I have been working through my food issues in an online Bible study. It has been a grueling fight for my freedom, to say the least. I am still not free. Today, I can say I have had five days of victory. And that's huge.
Within the last week, I have experienced a renewal of my mind and spirit, and am experiencing increased focus and God-given determination to be free from this stronghold. Let's call it what it is, people...it's GLUTTONY! Isn't that an ugly word? I like calling it a stronghold instead :) None of us wants to consider ourselves gluttons. I know I didn't. But that's what and who I am, and God is setting me free.
This blog is the story of my journey to freedom. Until this point, it has been a very privately- painful fight for freedom. God suggested to me yesterday, though, that I go public. That, perhaps, other people out there would benefit from my story. Now, I can feel some of you rolling your eyes already, saying to yourselves, "it's just food, you're making too much of it" or "go on a diet and be done with it." I'll tell each of you though, that I've tried man's ways to be free, and it's gotten me nowhere. I've experienced temporary success on multiple occasions, only to return to old habits and pits of sin time and time again.
I'm wiping my hands of this back-and-forth junk, and I've set my mind on freedom. I will be writing this blog to tell my story and hopefully to minister to others. No matter what your stronghold may be, I believe my story can help. I've come to learn that sin is sin is sin...period. My sin and your sin are the same...in their most basic forms, sin is disobedience to God. I know when I'm free from this and finally bring my eating into God's will and am obedient to Him, I will be working to be free from a different stronghold. Don't think food is my only issue! LOL
So I ask you, how are you disobeying God? Do you want to be free? Join me in this fight, this journey to be free. Do the hard work, dig deep and set your mind on what God wants for you. Let's go!
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