Success or Freedom?

I've been giving everyone a count of sorts, announcing the number of consecutive days of freedom I've had. Some of you might wonder how I am determining or measuring my freedom and what the contributing factors are. I find freedom to be a very obscure concept to a large degree, and I readily recognize that what you consider freedom and what I consider freedom may not look the same. But I do have some guidelines I am using to determine whether or not I'm free.

For years, I measured my success and not my freedom. And unfortunately my success (or lack thereof) was determined by the number on a scale or the size of my pants, and very little else mattered. Now, however, I am striving for freedom, not perfection, thinness or other traits deemed necessary by the powers that be. The lines of my freedom are deleneated by so much more. When I say I'm 9 days free (like I will be tonight when I go to bed), it means a couple very specific things.
My first measuring tool is my food intake. Just because I'm taking a scriptural approach to my food issues doesn't mean I get to ignore the facts about food. The study I am doing online has two choices for a food plan, and I'm using one that is a series of fasts. Each week consists of two liquid fasts, two 1/2 days, two normal days, and one complete fast. If I say I'm free, it means I have abided by the "rules" of the day. I love these guidelines not because they encourage legalism or living by the law of man, but because they are designed to help me discipline my body after years of ignoring my physical hunger cues (you know those cues God designed especially for us to know when we're hungry and when we're full? Yeah, I forgot about 'em too.) as well as learning to deny myself after years of indulgence. Did you know hunger pangs aren't even physically painful? LOL That's been a real eye-opener for me.

Secondly, it means I am actively seeking relationship with God more than I am seeking comfort from food. Unfortunately, if I'm seeking food more than God, I cannot stick to my food plan for the day. It's just not possible.

Third, I stick to the God I know and trust. Yes, science has much to say about weight loss and healthy eating and diet and exercise...it's a whirlwind of information. However, I have opted not to ever weigh my food, count points or carbs or calories, or anything of that nature. I have OCD tendencies, and this type of method has always proven to be the wrong road for me. When I count anything, it becomes foremost in my mind and suddenly I am bowing to the wrong god. Our God is amazing! He gave us physical cues to signal hunger and satisfaction, and that's what I'm learning to recognize again. The truth of the matter is, no food is off limits when it is consumed within the boundaries God gave us.

Finally, I cannot obsess about my weight! I know we all have done this. The ridiculous routine of weighing ourselves in the am...before the shower, after the shower, after we dry our hair, before we're dressed...all the time praying it will be different the next time we weigh, a mere moments later. For me, I'll even weigh later in the day, then in the evening, and for good measure, some extra times in between. Good grief!! So freedom for me also includes freedom from the scale. I have removed the battery from the scale, have had my husband hide it from me, whatever it takes. At this point, I am not weighing again until I finish the online course. I have about 25 days left, and that's when I'll weigh again.

So tonight when I go to bed, I will be 9 days free from weighing, measuring, counting, and obsessing, bingeing, starving and overeating. Freedom is huge. Huge. HUGE. My question to you tonight is...Are you measuring your success or your FREEDOM?